Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Float Like A Butterfly Sting Like A Bee


So I was beginning to feel that The Hills was losing its luster and I wasn't overly excited for the last season, however that all changed when Spencer "lightning fists" Pratt got busy on Cameron's dome.

Cameron are you for real right now, what a busybody. That was so weak to start texting Stephanie what a *%!* block. Spencer really wasn't doing anything, that bartender was just instigating trying to get her 15 minutes and Heidi why do you run home to your mommy every time things get difficult it is time for you to be a big girl. If you want to leave Spencer then leave, but the whole flying back to Colorado thing is tired (and your Mommy is really really annoying... and is it just me or did they write your old Dad off the show to write in a new Dad?).

Spencer I got your back on this one and if you are in need of criminal defense for assault and battery just holla at the King of Torts it is on the house Pro Bono.

And is there a bigger tool than Brody. I may be in the minority on this one but I see right through that dude and he is a tool, trust me. Nonetheless nothing but props from me for hooking up with Audrina, gotta keep it real.

I'm all in for the final season, it has my approval, and I recommend that you don't miss out on history by missing any of it.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I Love Money........I Really Do

Is there a more underrated reality show than I Love Money on VH1. It is a collection of perhaps the 16 biggest nitwits in the world who are alumni of either "Flavor of Love", "Rock of Love", "I Love New York" or "Real Chance of Love" competing for $250,000 (how can this show get $250,000 and Top Chef can only get $100,000?)

I am going to go ahead and put this into print that I want the rights and I am trademarking the idea of a documentary following the winner of this show to see what they do with the money.

Let's just say that up until last week the person calling the shots was Frank the Entertainer a 37 year old pizza delivery man living in his parent's basement.

He is competing against the likes of contestants named Heat, It, 20 Pack, T-Weed, Frenchie, Bonez, Prancer, Ice, Tailor Made, Buckwild and Myammee.

Just watching these geniuses strategize is absolutely hilarious. Myammee has perhaps the most interesting strategy which is to show up at the elimination ceremony in lingerie. Last week she stated and I quote "Cali has to be the dumbest girl ever to be on reality TV." Cali's response "I am not the dumbest girl. I just tried to play it loyal. I don’t know. Maybe. I was retarded."

Frenchie is an absolute gem.

She is apparently a French stripper who looks somewhat manly. Whenever they interview her she starts rambling in an ununderstandable language. VH1 translates below by completely inventing what she is saying, it is quite funny. She had the power to send 20 Pack home but didn't send him since he agreed to ummmmmm..... consummate their relationship. It may get him the $250k but he now has Syphilis and Chlamydia.

If you are not watching this just get onto VHI they are always showing reruns you can get caught up real quick.

In case you are wondering when the new episode airs, you would maybe think a Sunday night or a Wednesday night, well you would be wrong. The new episode runs for the first time on Monday morning at 8:00 a.m. Again I ask, how can a show that runs its new episode at 8:00 a.m. on a Monday giving away $250,000? Baffling? See you at 8 tomorrow.

Keeping Up With the Love of Ray J

Isn't it convenient that the two stars of a love tape have both ended up with reality shows when none of knew who either of them were prior to the love tape.

Let's start with the Kardashians. Not surprisingly I am actually finding the show kinda interesting. I am not sure if this is due to the lack of other shows on my DVR or if it is actually entertaining. Really though, what is not interesting about Khloe threatening to sue the &!*# out of her Mom and Kim for using the word dashing for her perfume line......or watching a Momager pimp out her daughters Kourtney and Khloe as they join the ranks of birthday suit modeling. After threatening to sue Kourtney had her boyfriend prank call Kim pretending to be a lawyer and threatening to sue and watching that brainiac Kim buy it was priceless. I like it and it is also fun times to pause it to locate nearby Valley locales. Last week they drove right by the OSH near my house. I am going to keep watching for now at least until I start to see my DVR filling up again.

Now on to Ray-J aka Brandy's brother aka the guy in the Kim Kardashian love tape. I must admit I have not been watching, but I watched an episode today and is there a bigger tool? It is another dating show, which typically I am a big fan of, but when he picks the girl he hands them a glass of champagne and they drink it.......seriously lame. I will stick to Real Chance of Love thank you.