Thursday, July 31, 2008

Viva Manny Being Manny in Echo Park....Andale Doyers Andale

I LOVE MANNY! Finally a good move by stoNed Colletti.

Unfortunately the video cuts off his amazing catch/high five/double play, but if you want to see that go here....

In all seriousness for all his goofiness it is about time we got someone in here who can rake and he brings his gold glove with him.

I might be back to sitting in the pavilion cuz who knows what might go down with the Manny in left field.

My advice to Manny:
5. To Live and Die in L.A. its the place to be you gotta be there to know it, what everybody wanna see - Tupac.........enough said.
4. Dodgers is pronounced Doyers, that shouldn't be hard for you considering your Dominican heritage.
3. If you are going to sell your grill here instead of including an autographed baseball you should just include 5 pounds of carne asada......
2. Do the opposite of whatever Andruw Jones does.
1. If you don't want to pay for parking at doyer stadium I suggest Academy is the closest free parking to Left Field.

P.S. I have alreay sent an email to Dodger management about getting some sort of urinal installed near left field because last I checked there isn't a bathroom inside the wall, and trust me I of all people know how hard it can be to hold it.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008


It appears that the integrity of the blog has been tarnished by an imposter.

I log on this morning to find an unauthorized and impermissible post. My identity has been stolen. Don't worry I have changed all my passwords to avoid such catastrophes in the future....I also cancelled and cut up all my credit cards, bank cards, library cards, driver's license, state bar id's etc... in hopes of cutting this imposter off at the pass before all of my identity is pillaged.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Dovikivati glasno ka Serbia

So last month I linked free parking to Google Analytics, mainly so I could look at the cool map with all the different colors from where hits to the site are coming from. I could look at maps for hours and I think if I were to redo my life I would be a geographer.

I currently have readers in four countries but the blog is really blowing up in Serbia, hence the Serbian title. For those who wish to translate the title go to , you will have to type in each word individually.

So to appease my Serbian fans lets talk Serbia:

How about my man Prince Nemanja, he was a classic rags to Prince story: Nemanja had a humble childhood in an uncomfortable house made of solid stone, with cotton and cloth-made curtains to protect the interior from the sun and the doors and floor covered by many-coloured sheets, before dominating and becoming a Prince later in life.........nice work.


Milla Jovovich seems to be a good person. She starred in Resident Evil and the Fifth Element.

Nikola Tesla invented the radio, thats right you are listening to Dr. Laura because of Serb Nikola Tesla. Not to mention he invented a particle beam weapon which dispensed a narrow stream of atomic clusters of liquid mercury (how awesome is that, and why are these not being sold mainstream?).

So, I must say it sure is nice that in 2006 Serbia finally went legitimate and got rid of Montenegro. It was hard to take you seriously in the Olympics when your team name was Serbia and Montenegro. You don't see the U.S.A. entering the World Cup as the U.S.A. and Mexico just to improve our chances or you don't see us entering our hockey team as the U.S.A. and Canada.

Also I got your back and I am also not going to recognize Kosovo's declaration of independence. I know this could be considered an act of treason in the U.S. , however so long as the support of the blog continues my support of your claim over Kosovo will remain. You can't just declare independence.

Finally, screw Milosevic.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

I'm a hot chick

So I saw on some other blogs this website where you send in a picture and it will tell you what celebrity you look like.

Suffice it to say, I was so excited to give this a try, figuring it would come up with McConaughey. To my excitement errrrrrrrrr I mean dismay my celebrity-look-alike was no other than Charlize Theron the anointed "sexiest woman alive" by Esquire Magazine in 2007.

I didn't feel like the picture I sent in to the website accentuated my moobs, but who knows. Also, apparently the site does not take body fat percentage into account.

If ya'll wanna try it you can go to

You Be the Judge:

P.S. Does this mean that Anneli has lesbian tendencies?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Video Gem: Toughest BYU Athlete Ever

I was recently reminded of a classic BYU/Utah football moment:

"Tempers boiled again during the 1999 football game in Provo, and this time it involved a Utah yell leader, Billy Priddis. As he was carrying a large red Utah flag past the BYU student section, one Cougar fan jumped out of the stands and tackled Priddis. Priddis jumped to his feet, tackled the fan, and started throwing punches. By the time security could break it up, Priddis had landed seven or eight punches on the rowdy fan. Watching the altercation from the sideline, Ute Wide Receiver Steve Smith turned to a nearby group of BYU fans and said “even our cheerleaders are kicking your butt.”

However, in the spirit of equality I gotta give props to former Cougar Vai Sikahema for his beatdown of Jose Canseco. Sikahema is 5'9" and 200 lbs while Canseco is 6'4" and 248 lbs.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Video Gem: Like Such As

I am thinking of going on Vacation to "The Iraq" and "The Asian Countries"

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Knoxgate 2008

So I awoke this morning and was peacefully getting ready for church when my wife received an emergency text from Kady, which turned my world upside-down. You might wonder what earth-shattering news would warrant an 8:30 a.m. Sunday morning text? Don't worry I'll tell you.

Angelina Jolie has named her son Knox! NMD (No Me Digas).

I immediately logged on to and my worst nightmare had been confirmed. You might wonder what is the big deal? Don't worry I'll tell you. This may seem a bit effeminate but ever since I was about 16 years old I had decided that I would name my first son Knox Nielsen.

Now, I know that if I now name my son Knox that everyone is going to be like .... oh did you get that from Anelina Jolie? Actually I suspect that she got it from me. You may ask how would Angelina Jolie know that you were going to name your son Knox? Don't worry I will now expound on several theories I am exploring at this very moment.

1. Theory #1: I vaguely remember that when Syesha Mercado and I were getting to know each other better she asked what I wanted to name my kids, at which point I negligently told her, as if she would be so lucky as to be one of my baby's mama. I think Syesha may be repped by CAA who also likely represents Jolie. Syesha's agent probably said oh I was discussing baby names with Jolie and Syesha was like oh I heard the coolest boy's name, Knox, and the agent was probably like oh maybe I will pass that on to Jolie and next thing you know we now have Knox Pitt-Jolie.

2. Theory #2: A few years back I composed a rap in which one of the lines stated:

Don't be fooled by my gems and my rocks
My son's going to be named Knox
I like knee high tube sox
And I'm still Jono from the Blocks

Surprisingly this rap never had a widespread release, however I lost the master copy and I have heard that it is making waves in the underground hip hop market and also online. Perhaps since Brangelina has now been adopting black children they are trying to touch up on their African knowledge by tapping into the underground hip hop scene at which point they came across my unreleased but soon to be hit.

3. Theory #3: I told Anneli who told Kady who told Kirt who told Cal who told David Archuleta who told Dave who told Josh who told Gay who told Carrie who told Xander who told Matt who told Laura who who told Jason Castro who told Paula Abdul who told Tanner who told McKay who told Billy Bob Thornton on the set of Eagle Eye who then was able to woo Jolie back into the sack with promises of a child named Knox.

Now there is going to be a glut of kids named Knox so I may have to go with something else......I think my backup name will be Maddox.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Hip Hop Has Saved My Life

I would like to thank Lupe Fiasco for so eloquently summing up my life story with his hit song "Hip Hop Has Saved My Life" (if you havn't heard the song it is on my playlist). I grew up on the mean streets of Pleasant Grove. However, we couldn't afford walkmans or ghettoblasters so as a youngster I wasn't keen to the hip hop game. This all changed when I was 21 years old and flipping through the channels and came across a Tupac music video for the song Changes.

Tupac's demeanor and words spoke to me, so I went directly to the nearest Circuit City and purchased Tupac's greatest hits (and a $30 VCR which I still own, but I digress). I popped disk one into my Geo Prizm's CD player and started rollin around town with my speakers rattlin. Disk one was a great experience, but then the culmination came on disk two, which is loaded with poignant tracks ranging from Brenda's Got a Baby to Changes to California Love to Picture Me Rollin.

I let the lyrics pour over me as I felt that finally someone could speak to the true pain on the streets on a larger platform.

From that day forward I have embraced the "Thug Life" Code which was created by Tupac and follows:

"I didnt create T.H.U.G. L.I.F.E., I diagnosed it." Tupac Shakur.

In 1992 at the Truc Picnic in Cali, Tupac was instrumental in getting rival members of the Crips and Bloods to sign the Code Of THUG LIFE.

1. All new Jacks to the game must know: a) Hes going to get rich. b) Hes going to jail. c) Hes going to die.
2. Crew Leaders: You are responsible for legal/financial payment commitments to crew members; your word must be your bond.
3. One crews rat is every crews rat. Rats are now like a disease; sooner or later we all get it; and they should too.
4. Crew leader and posse should select a diplomat, and should work ways to settle disputes. In unity, there is strength!
5. Car jacking in our Hood is against the Code.
6. Slinging to children is against the Code.
7. Having children slinging is against the Code.
8. No slinging in schools.
9. Since the rat Nicky Barnes opened his mouth; ratting has become accepted by some. Were not having it.
10. Snitches is outta here.
11. The Boys in Blue dont run nothing; we do. Control the Hood, and make it safe for squares.
12. No slinging to pregnant Sisters. Thats baby killing; thats genocide!
13. Know your target, whos the real enemy.
14. Civilians are not a target and should be spared.
15. Harm to children will not be forgiven.
16. Attacking someones home where their family is known to reside, must be altered or checked.
17. Senseless brutality and rape must stop.
18. Our old folks must not be abused.
19. Respect our Sisters. Respect our Brothers.
20. Sisters in the Life must be respected if they respect themselves.
21. Military disputes concerning business areas within the community must be handled professionally and not on the block.
22. No shooting at parties.
23. Concerts and parties are neutral territories; no shooting!
24. Know the Code; its for everyone.
25. Be a real ruff neck. Be down with the code of the Thug Life.
26. Protect yourself at all times.

I find numbers 4 and 12 to be highly inspirational and thought provoking. If only we would have had a similar code when I was growing up in P.G., perhaps we could have avoided much of the senseless crime that infiltrated our hood.

For those of you who think I may be joking about P.G., I would direct you to the online urban dictionary to look up Pleasant Grove (Advisory the acutal site may contain explicit language), a few snippets:

"Pleasant Grove is, without a doubt, the "krunkest" place"

"Pleasant Grove has 3 times as many murders as Oak Cliff, 12 times as many r****, 5 times as many armed robberies, and is one of the leading problems in America as far as illegall-y exported arms."

"In Pleasant Grove news coverage has stopped depicting violent crimes in its articles because its old news. People die here everyday, it's nothin'."

Also recent news articles:,5143,700235373,00.html,1249,600106573,00.html

Interestingly I have a long history with the officer mentioned in the second link, Cody Cullimore. Surprisingly our relationship is not crime related rather he was my cub scout leader.

"Life in the Hood is all Good for Nobody!" we miss you Tupac, RIP (unless you are really not dead....then I would say keep releasing these excellent albums).