Is there a more underrated reality show than I Love Money on VH1. It is a collection of perhaps the 16 biggest nitwits in the world who are alumni of either "Flavor of Love", "Rock of Love", "I Love New York" or "Real Chance of Love" competing for $250,000 (how can this show get $250,000 and Top Chef can only get $100,000?)
I am going to go ahead and put this into print that I want the rights and I am trademarking the idea of a documentary following the winner of this show to see what they do with the money.
Let's just say that up until last week the person calling the shots was Frank the Entertainer a 37 year old pizza delivery man living in his parent's basement.
He is competing against the likes of contestants named Heat, It, 20 Pack, T-Weed, Frenchie, Bonez, Prancer, Ice, Tailor Made, Buckwild and Myammee.
Just watching these geniuses strategize is absolutely hilarious. Myammee has perhaps the most interesting strategy which is to show up at the elimination ceremony in lingerie. Last week she stated and I quote "Cali has to be the dumbest girl ever to be on reality TV." Cali's response "I am not the dumbest girl. I just tried to play it loyal. I don’t know. Maybe. I was retarded."
Frenchie is an absolute gem.
She is apparently a French stripper who looks somewhat manly. Whenever they interview her she starts rambling in an ununderstandable language. VH1 translates below by completely inventing what she is saying, it is quite funny. She had the power to send 20 Pack home but didn't send him since he agreed to ummmmmm..... consummate their relationship. It may get him the $250k but he now has Syphilis and Chlamydia.
If you are not watching this just get onto VHI they are always showing reruns you can get caught up real quick.
In case you are wondering when the new episode airs, you would maybe think a Sunday night or a Wednesday night, well you would be wrong. The new episode runs for the first time on Monday morning at 8:00 a.m. Again I ask, how can a show that runs its new episode at 8:00 a.m. on a Monday giving away $250,000? Baffling? See you at 8 tomorrow.
Isn't it convenient that the two stars of a love tape have both ended up with reality shows when none of knew who either of them were prior to the love tape.
Let's start with the Kardashians. Not surprisingly I am actually finding the show kinda interesting. I am not sure if this is due to the lack of other shows on my DVR or if it is actually entertaining. Really though, what is not interesting about Khloe threatening to sue the &!*# out of her Mom and Kim for using the word dashing for her perfume line......or watching a Momager pimp out her daughters Kourtney and Khloe as they join the ranks of birthday suit modeling. After threatening to sue Kourtney had her boyfriend prank call Kim pretending to be a lawyer and threatening to sue and watching that brainiac Kim buy it was priceless. I like it and it is also fun times to pause it to locate nearby Valley locales. Last week they drove right by the OSH near my house. I am going to keep watching for now at least until I start to see my DVR filling up again.
Now on to Ray-J aka Brandy's brother aka the guy in the Kim Kardashian love tape. I must admit I have not been watching, but I watched an episode today and is there a bigger tool? It is another dating show, which typically I am a big fan of, but when he picks the girl he hands them a glass of champagne and they drink it.......seriously lame. I will stick to Real Chance of Love thank you.
So you have all heard of the dog eating your homework, but your dog eating your heart.....? Don't you think that is a little much One Tree Hill?
Sorry about your heart Dan!
I have to say I don't know if I have seen a sharper decline than what has happened with One Tree Hill this year. As many of you know I have been quoted as saying that One Tree Hill changed my life, but we are getting so far removed from those classic episodes that I am wondering how.
Admittedly it is never easy making that leap from high school to post high school and as far as I have seen unless you are a genius like Aaron Spelling it is almost impossible, but did it have to get so bad so quick.
They don't even start the episodes anymore with Lucas Scott reading a lyric or a poem.
Maybe they should revisit:
There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. But omitted, all the voyage of there is bound in shallows and miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat, and we must take the current when it serves. Or lose the ventures before us.” William Shakespeare - Julius Caesar
OTH, you are about to lose the venture if you don't take a new current.
Last week Gretchen made perhaps the most foolish decision a gold digger could make. She has invested years of sitting in a hospital with her vegetable fiance Jeff and years of giving up her body so that upon his passing she could cash it in and it all went down the drain in a matter of a couple hours.
She decided (after drinking an impressive amount of tequila) that she would hook up with Tamra's son Ryan and they end up hugging all over each other and the show ended with them up in his bathroom....to be continued. In my opinion she has already done enough.
BTW has anyone else notice the weird tension Ryan and his mother have, they act kinda like they want to date.......or am I just crazy.
I can just picture Jeff sitting in the hospital watching this episode. How long did it take him to call his lawyer to get the will changed immediately.
I have been following the Bravo message boards and many feel that Gretchen was taken advantage of by Tamra and Vicki. While I will admit they weren't helping, Greedy Gretchen is still an adult and can still make her own decisions.
When the dust settles basically Gretchen paid probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 million dollars to hook up with Ryan, now that is a costly mistake.
In this era of BCS perversion it really is a pleasure to be crowned the 2008 Logical National Champion.
Thank You President Obama for shedding some light on the logical National Champion:
Remember there is no playoff so we have to go by a body of work.
USC????? To all you AP voters who voted USC, you really showed your ignorance and your right to vote should be stricken: USC 12-1, Utah 13-0; USC lost to Oregon State, Utah beat Oregon State.
Texas????? Sorry you lost to Texas Tech who in turn was hammered by Mississippi who lost to Alabama who we all know got b**** slapped by the Utes.
Florida???? You were losing to Alabama until 6 minutes left in the fourth quarter and you lost to Mississippi.
Quick question, why do the coaches vote in the coaches poll if they are contractually obligated to vote for the winner of the BCS game......last I checked that would not really be a democratic vote but more of a contractual dictatorship. Last I checked this was America not Cuba, Florida did not have to float over to the Orange Bowl on a popsicle stick crafted raft. Although I do think it is time for Utah to defect from this absurd of a system (BTW: Gary Patterson of TCU; Rocky Long of New Mexico; Chris Petersen of Boise State; Dick Tomey of San Jose State and Pat Hill of Fresno State you ought to be ashamed of yourselves, you are a bunch of yellow-bellied idiots catering to the man. The same man that is keeping you down)!
Now that I have that out of the system let us rejoice in the biggest beatdown since a rookie Robin Ventura charged the mound on Nolan Ryan or since an undersized cocky quarterback with a last name of Hall decided to put the ball in the air against a ball-hawking Utah secondary.
Has there ever been a better 30 minutes of sports than the coin flip of the Sugar Bowl through the first eight minutes of game time as Utah put their heel on the throat of Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson and took a 21-0 lead.
It all started with Alabama All-American Antoine Caldwell in the coin flip when he stared down Utah linebacker Stevenson Sylvester and repeated: I gonna kill you! I gonna kill you! I gonna kill you!
Three sacks and a fumble recovery later, Sylvester is shockingly still alive. Stevenson's quote after the game was classic: "It was all hype," Sylvester said of Alabama's physicality. "We were a lot faster than they were and speed kills, that's what we preach over here. It was great. We just got back there on them and used our athleticism."
I am going to copy and paste the classic article from Rick Reilly in case the link is later removed:
Life of Reilly Oklahoma and Florida can battle for the BCS. But we've already crowned the true national champ. by Rick Reilly
Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images The Utes trampled Alabama to complete a perfect season. How are they not national champions?
Some gifts people give are pointless: Styling mousse to Dick Vitale. An all-you-can-eat card to Kate Moss. The BCS Championship given to Oklahoma or Florida.
It means nothing because the BCS has no credibility. Florida? Oklahoma? Who cares? Utah is the national champion.
The End. Roll credits.
Argue with this, please. I beg you. Find me anybody else that went undefeated. Thirteen-and-zero. Beat four ranked teams. Went to the Deep South and seal-clubbed Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. The same Alabama that was ranked No. 1 for five weeks. The same Alabama that went undefeated in the regular season. The same Alabama that Florida beat in order to get INTO the BCS Championship game in the first place.
FIND ME ANYBODY ELSE THAT WENT UNDEFEATED. THIRTEEN-AND-ZERO. BEAT FOUR RANKED TEAMS. WENT TO THE DEEP SOUTH AND SEAL-CLUBBED ALABAMA IN THE SUGAR BOWL.
Yeah, that's how it is now in the shameful, money-grubbing world of college football. If you're Florida and you beat Alabama, you get a seat in the title game. If you're Utah, you get a seat on your sofa.
Hey, remind me: What do they give out for one of those BCS things anyway? It's been so long since I cared. Something from Sears? This is the sixth year in the past 10 that the title has been in dispute under this cash-grab, fan-dis, monopoly that the BCS has created. Which is why the title game just doesn't matter anymore. It's like being named Miss Ogallala. Or Best Amish Electrician.
Just take a look at the teams that think they're worthy of being called national champs:
USC? Great year. Wonderful. Let's all go to SkyBar and celebrate. But it lost to Oregon State, a team Utah beat.
Texas? You think beating Ohio State by a nubby three points gets you the title? The Big Ten was 1-6 in bowl games! That's like pinning David Spade!
Florida and Oklahoma? They lost. Utah never did.
So that's it. Utah is the national champion. The Utes should probably have two now, actually. They went undefeated in 2004, too, and their coach still thinks they were the best team in the land. Smart fella named Urban Meyer. Coaches Florida now.
By the way, we're calling our title the "national" championship because it actually includes the whole nation—all 119 Division I schools—unlike the BCS, which includes 66. Yeah, the BCS somehow eliminated the middleman—the NCAA. The conferences these schools play in take their dump trucks full of cash straight from the TV networks and fairness can go suck a lemon.
Nettie Tien
The Utes won't get the trophy they really deserve, so we gave them one of our own design.
Do me a favor. Call Ohio State president Gordon Gee and ask him why he won't support a playoff. He's one of the most powerful presidents in the NCAA. He could get it done. If he says anything other than, "We don't want to share the loot" then you know he's lying his bow tie off.
"This is not how we normally do things in America," says Utah president Michael Young. "In America, quality usually wins, not conspiracy. And there's a reason people usually enter into a conspiracy. It's money. You make money doing it. And those that are in on the conspiracy want to stay in and keep everybody else out."
Sure, BCS blowhards will hand you schlock about how the college football season is like a playoff, how it's an elimination tournament every week. Really? Well, how come Florida and Oklahoma weren't eliminated with their losses? Utah ran the table, beat everybody set in front of them, including Ala-damn-bama in no less than the Sugar Bowl, and gets the bagel.
Oh, by the way? It was Utah's eighth straight bowl win, the nation's longest streak. Among the losers during that run? Let's see USC, Georgia Tech, Pittsburgh, and now the legendary Houndstooth Hats.
"What else do we have to prove?" asks Utah's magical quarterback, Brian Johnson. Good question. He and the Utes essentially whipped Alabama at home. Handed Nick Saban a garlic necklace to wear the entire offseason. Stepped on his team's neck 21-0 in the first three possessions and never looked back. Let's see. Who was it that was losing to Alabama until nearly six minutes into the fourth quarter? Oh, yeah. Florida.
What, you want the Utes to win a spelling bee? Make a prize-winning souffle? Knock up Angelina Jolie? What?
It just slays me. It really does.
Call Myles Brand, president of the asleep-at-the-wheel NCAA, and ask him if he and his greedy presidents are going to stand in defiance of president-elect Barack Obama, who said again this week he wants a playoff and wants it yesterday.
Call Atlantic Coast Conference commissioner and BCS bully John Swofford and ask him what he's going to do if Obama starts asking the Justice Department to look into anti-trust violations against the BCS. The Utah attorney general has already launched an investigation into that very thing.
Ask him what he'll do if Obama asks the Department of Education to consider withholding federal funds from these schools that have entered into his secret club. You don't think playing in the title game means millions in general-fund donations for a school? That's as unfair as anything Title IX fought against.
Until all these people do the right thing, I'll be celebrating with the true national champions — the undefeated, untied Utah Utes. (Our new slogan: Utahk about a team!)
In honor of BYU's possible invite to the Poinsettia Bowl, here is a free parking guide for the zoobies:
If your event will be ending before 9:00 p.m. just go ahead and park in the parking lot at the Fenton Place Driveway. If you don't want to take any risks there is always parking on Fenton Parkway and it is a real short jaunt to the stadium and well worth the $15 you will save.
The Real Housewives of New York City brought us some very interesting characters and some good comedic relief.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta gave us a humorous and intriguing peak into Atlanta's social elite.
But really, it is so nice to have the originals back, none other than the REAL Housewives of Orange County. The old standbys Vicky, Jeana and Lauri are still kickin it and luckily we got rid of Quinn and the longest cleavage I have ever seen for the young vixen Gretchen who joins last years new addition Tamra.
I must say that Vicky is perhaps the most easy person to hate on reality T.V., just the sound of her voice is enough to give any man e.d. I loved how she treated Gretchen at their day at the spa, Gretchen can't just expect to come into the clique and be treated like a human.
Is there a better example of someone who is hot from afar but up close is painful to look at than Lauri. Great looking woman and then boom her messed up lip surgery slaps you in the face (BTW, I think she is the one leaving this week, she seems to bothered to be on the show anymore now that she has a rich husband).
One disappointment this year is what happened to Tammy and her two daughters. They brought an interesting aspect to the group (you know the poor aspect) but now they are just gone with no explanation.
The best line from last week had to come from Tamra when Gretchen was walking down her driveway to get in the limo "Hold on to your daddies here comes Gretchen", what a classic statement.
Stay tuned this week to see if it truly is Lauri that is leaving the show.
P.S. Vicki buy the yacht, who cares what Donn or your prudish daughter say!
So a few weeks ago I was in Bankruptcy Court (just another day as an Esquire Extraordinaire) and one of the cases called before mine was the Death Row Records case. The Judge called the case and 9 white lawyers promptly proceeded to rise to represent varying interests.
I couldn't help but reminisce about the old days of Death Row.....Suge, Tupac, Dre, Snoop and the crew runnin the west coast, hangin fools like Vanilla Ice from balconies, and now what....reduced to a bunch of white attorneys trying to weasel any crumbs left from the Empire.
This was the day before the election and I was just about to give up hope that Black America would ever get the respect they deserve. Then I thought about the poignant words of Tupac in his epic song Changes "we aint ready to see a black president" followed by the stirring Nas video "Black President" and I know Pac has to be smilin on the Island where he is living.
Pac the masters to all your songs may have been sold to creditors through the U.S. Bankruptcy Court, but at least we got a black president....or at least a Hawaiian president.
Alright look at the 1:17 point, I am in a white long sleeve t-shirt, you see me go over the wall but it takes a good 17 seconds to see me emerge. Tanner was right behind me in the brown sweatshirt.
